How The GOP Can Win The Millenial Vote

I just finished watching the Hipster Republican ad, the latest attempt by the GOP to attract the millennial vote. They seem to think that the best way to attract millennials is to have a young actor with cheesy hipster glasses read talking points from a cue card. It’s essentially re-packaging a turd in a shiny box and topping it with a big red bow. Sure, the packaging looks nice, but in the ends, it’s still a turd in a box.

As a millennial who had dropped out of the GOP for the Libertarian Party only a year ago, allow me to offer some suggestions of what Republicans can really do to win the millennial vote:

1) Support Gay Marriage and Pot Legalization. Supporting these two issues doesn't go against conservative values—if anything, opposing them does! There is nothing more “big government” than telling people who they can marry and what they can put in their bodies. All across the country, states are legalizing gay marriage and pot, and there is nothing Republicans can do to stop them. If they want to reach out to millennials, they need to stop being on the wrong side of this ever-growing trend, because at this point, young Republicans highly favor gay marriage!

2) Propose An Alternative To Obamacare. Yes, Obamacare sucks, but let’s face facts: there is no way in hell it's ever going to be repealed with Obama still in office. Nope. Never! The Big O isn't going to let his biggest “accomplishment” get repealed. Rather than wasting time trying to repeal it for the umpteenth millionth time—and failing—why not propose actual free market healthcare reforms? Both Switzerland and Singapore provide universal healthcare WITHOUT a nationalized, socialized government healthcare system. We should be pointing to them as an alternative. In fact, there are plenty of small changes we can make to our healthcare system to make it more effective—and we don’t even have to spend a dime! Why not do that instead? Maybe because it will hurt their corporate donations from insurance companies?

3) Slash The Military Budget. Republicans want to cut spending? Good! They can start by cutting the department we waste the most money on: defense. We spend more on our military than any other country on earth combined. How is that being “fiscally-conservative”? And no, cutting our military will not weaken our defense. Even if we cut our military by 90 percent, we would still have the largest military on earth. You can support a strong military without supporting an over-bloated military budget.

4) Support Free Market Capitalism. And I don’t mean just in words! Sure, you all claim that you oppose government intervention in the marketplace—but only when it suits your corporate donors. When their profits are being hurt by competitors, they you’re all for applying government red tape. I’m looking at you Rick Perry and Chris Christie! Don’t you pretend to love the free market when you’re preventing Tesla from selling its cars in your states. That’s not the invisible hand you’re supporting. It’s the hand of big government!

5) Support Immigration Reform. Want to stop illegal immigrants from sneaking into our country? Fine. Then why not make it easier for immigrants to enter our country legally so they won’t have to resort to jumping the border? Building a big ass fence is not going to solve the problem. Reforming our immigration process will.

6) End Corporate Welfare. Want government out of the market? Okay. Let's start by eliminating corporate subsidies? Republicans have part of this down by opposing “green” energy subsidies, but why not be consistent and equally oppose oil and agriculture subsidies? Sure, it will upset your donors in big oil and big agra, but a true conservative places his principles before his wallet. So stop putting your wallet first!

7) Support Civil Liberties. I know most of you are blasting Obama for allowing the NSA to spy on American citizens, but where were you when Bush was allowing for similar warrantless wiretaps by signing the Patriot Act into law? Oh yeah. That’s right. You all were supporting him! You all claim to hate big government and love the Constitution? Then put your money where your mouth is by opposing the following: the Patriot Act, Gitmo, waterboarding and other “enhanced interrogation techniques”, SOPA, PIPA, CISPA, ACTA, the TPP...

8) Stop Warmongering. I know you all are salivating over going to war with either Iran or Russia, but we millennials who are of military age don’t like the idea of being forced to die in wars that we don’t believe in—especially when the last two wars placed us trillions in the red! Again, if you were true “fiscal conservatives”, you would heed Eisenhower’s warning against the military-industrial complex.

Of course, there isn’t a single Republican politician who would support any of these policies. The closest one would be Rand Paul, and—as much as he has attracted national attention to drone strikes and NSA spying—the guy clearly isn’t his father, especially when he recently voted for a bill that would allow Obama to crack down on states where pot is legal!

Oh well! Here's hoping the LP will replace the GOP ASAP!